After having a strong cup of English tea, we made our way to Battersea High Street to watch the royal wedding on the big screen. We met some lovely people, saw Kate's (and Pippa's!) fabulous dress(es), listened to the exchange of vows, cheered when they were pronounced man and wife -- and later when they kissed on the balcony, had a lovely cocktail, checked out the street party a bit and then headed back to Lisa's flat to chill out. After a few hours as Lisa's flat, I went with Andy (a friend of Lisa's) into the heart of London via the South Bank where we met up with one of Andy's friends (Constance). I'd had plans to meet up with friends for dinner, but those had been cancelled. With nothing else to do, part of me wanted to go home, yet another part of me intrinsically wanted to stay out. I felt like I was waiting for something, only I didn't know what I was waiting for.
Andy, Constance and I walked along the Mall towards Buckingham Palace, which was still filled with people, despite it being 8pm by then. We took lots of pictures and met some more lovely people, including two bobbies and James, a Mancunian who had been serving in the British armed forces and had only 3 months left before he would retire from the service. It was just after 10 PM and I was starving -- I'd only had a soft icecream and a few pieces of pita with hummus and guacamole all day. We started searching for a Thai place to eat but couldn't find the one that Andy was looking for. As we headed back towards Trafalgar Square, Constance decided to get herself a Royal Wedding souvenir newspaper. For £1 she got the paper, a poster of Kate and William, a Royal Wedding CD and an umbrella. I hadn't planned to spend money on anything as naff as a royal wedding souvenir but 4 items for £1 was a bargain so I decided to get it too.
By the time I got home, it was just after 11PM. I was hungry, but not too tired, so I switched on the television. As expected, all the major British and US stations were showing highlights and re-runs of the wedding. For probably the 20th time that day, I watched the footage of the wedding, the hymns, the vows, the church. I found myself being brought back to my childhood and to the soothing sounds of hymns accompanied by the organ that would fill the St. John's Methodist Church in Montego Bay that I attended for much of my childhood. The feeling was strange to me -- because it was almost nostalgic -- although I've been a stated Agnostic for more than 15 years, and with the exception of a few weddings, I haven't heard a church service in almost 12 years.
It is a tension that I think many people of a 'younger' generation can easily relate to, and which has caused many to turn their backs on religion, but is something that some of the previous generation find difficult to understand. In fact, my Mom, who's been a Methodist since she was 15years old and who doesn't quite understand the difference between agnostics and athesists thinks I'm an atheist, something that's caused her a great deal of anxiety.
This nostalgic feeling became even stronger when I popped the Royal Wedding CD into my computer and started listening to the tracks and felt myself being moved my tracks like "Jerusalem" by Parry and "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ" by John Wesley, the father of the Methodists. I went to bed feeling strangely unsettled. When I woke up on Saturday morning, the first thing I did was to play the CD again - partly to see if the feeling of the night before was a fluke and party because I wanted to recreate the feeling of peace I always feel inside when I hear certain kinds of religious music. Strangely, I found myself doing something I've never done -- a Google search on "The Spectrum of Protestantism". I navigated to a page that contains a very comprehensive guide of the major religions, including Protestantism. I started with what was familiar to me -- the page on Methodists. It's been years since I've heard the affirmations or beliefs of Methodists and I don't think I had ever seen them written down before. But as I began to read the affirmations and the foundations of the Methodist doctrine i.e. the "We believe that..." statements, I found that many of them resonated with me and I began to cry - spontaneously and uncontrollably (No, I'm not pregnant and I don't have a hormonal imbalance!).
What does it all mean? Well...I'm still asking myself that question and I believe it's a question that I will keep asking myself for years to come. It's clear though that I'm on the verj of some sort of spiritual awakening. But what I think it means is that I am coming full circle; that the Universe/God is calling me to examine my spiritual and religious beliefs and to bring them into alignment in a way that works for me. It calls me to ask myself the questions: who are you? what do you believe? what is your faith? what is the role of religion in your life? what is your spiritual compass? how are you currently living your life? how would you like to live your life in the future? how does your everyday life align with what you believe i.e. your values, what you do professionally and in the community? Is their a community of like-minded people that you can seek support and comfort in as you take this journey?
I have yet to find the answers (perhaps I never will) but I know that what is essential to me is to embark on a journey of discovery. I suspect that I will find my 'home' in a place where I can create my own spiritual path, my own personal relationship with God, as I understand, experience and define her.
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